QUARK (1978) TV Guide Ad

Here's the original NBC TV Guide ad heralding the debut of the short-lived sci-fi spoof, Quark, on February 24th, 1978. This hour-long series premiere - "May the Source Be With You" - came almost nine months after the pilot episode, which had aired the previous May.

As I've opined on this blog before, I think the show had a lot of potential, even if the handful of episodes aired were decidedly uneven in quality. I sincerely believe that had it received a full season to work out the kinks, it could have become something a lot more memorable.

Fave Five: TOKEN EXTRATERRESTRIALS

Welcome back to "Fave Five" - a very irregularly-posted feature wherein your humble blogger counts down his own top five favorite whatevers from the Space: 1970 era; i.e. favorite spaceships, favorite captains, favorite novelizations, favorite cartoons, favorite Space Babes, etc. Most bloggers do Top Ten lists, but honestly folks, that just seems like way too much work!

This time out, I've picked my favorite "token aliens" of 70s sci-fi television. Ever since the ever-logical, half-human/half-Vulcan Mr. Spock strode onto the bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise and became the breakout character of the original Star Trek, producers of outer space-set television adventure series (especially those trying to directly imitate Trek; I'm looking at you, Frieberger and Mantley), have often felt the need to include at least one extraterrestrial among the cast.

As a storytelling device, the token alien has multiple uses. For one, it gives the writers a mouthpiece to make observations on human behavior from the point-of-view of a friendly non-human (androids and robots work well in that capacity, too - but that's a different list), and second, since these characters are almost always given abilities and powers that poor Earthlings don't possess, they can also be useful plot devices when things get too tight for our heroes... thanks to a last-minute mind-meld or surprise metamorphosis.

NUMBER FIVE: Samantha

Jason Of Star Command

"I'll tell you this: your capturing me was a bad idea, and you'll regret it."

Discovered in suspended animation within a derelict spaceship by the titular Jason of Star Command, the amnesiac Samantha (Tamara Dobson) quickly became a valued partner-in-adventure for brash rogue Jason and his Star Command allies. With a variety of vaguely-defined powers, including superhuman strength and assorted psi abilities, the striking Samantha may have been unable to remember where she came from - all she recalled was that her people were conquered by the armies of arch-fiend, Dragos - but she soon made a home for herself aboard the Space Academy, and figured prominently in Dragos' final defeat.

I admired the strength of character that Dobson brought to the role, a mix of compassion and toughness reminiscent of her cinematic character Cleopatra Jones... but without the kung fu, Corvette and machine guns.

NUMBER FOUR: Ficus Pandorata

Quark

"There are no good or evil plants. There are only plants."

A member of the crew of a United Galaxy Sanitation Patrol cruiser under the command of Cmdr. Adam Quark, science officer Ficus Pandorata (Richard Kelton) was a Vegeton; although outwardly human-looking in every aspect, he was, in fact, a plant. Being a plant, he needed to monitor his moisture levels and reproduced asexually, by means of pollination. Always rational and logical, Ficus was frequently baffled by the actions of his human (and transmute, and clone) crew mates. Indeed, when the crew met their alternate universe evil twins, there was no discernible difference between Ficus and his other-dimensional duplicate.

Although a parody of Star Trek's Mr. Spock, Richard Kelton really made Ficus an interesting character in his (its?) own right, deftly deriving considerable humor from his unemotional character, and slyly skewering the self-delusions of his captain and crew mates.

NUMBER THREE: Maya

Space: 1999

"You mean, people killed people, just because they were different from each other? That's disgusting."

The last survivor of the doomed planet Psychon, possessing the power of "molecular transformation," the exotic Maya found a home - and camaraderie - with the human inhabitants of Moonbase Alpha as it soared aimlessly through the universe. I've always had mixed feelings about the shape-shifting Maya. On one hand, her introduction to the Space: 1999 universe by second-season producer Fred Frieberger was another obvious instance of the wholesale Trek-ifying of the franchise and a harbinger of the show's overall decline in quality. But, on the other, actress Catherine Schell imbued the otherwise-contrived character with such a warm, appealing personality and ingenious blend of confidence, sexuality, competence and vulnerability, that ultimately, she won me over.

Too bad they romantically paired up with the walking cliché that was Tony Verdeschi. I also never understood why an alien beauty from Psychon would have such a penchant for using her ability of "molecular transformation" to shape-shift into distinctly Terran creatures like lions....

NUMBER TWO: Hawk

Buck Rogers In The 25th Century

"I shall kill them all. All humans who cross my path. And I shall keep killing them, until they have killed me."

Native of the planet Throm, Hawk (Thom Christopher) is the last survivor of a colony of humanoids that evolved from birds (and originally migrated from Earth, according to Dr. Goodfellow, but his speculation is based on virtually no solid evidence whatsoever. Dr. Goodfellow is a very bad scientist, really.). After his tribe and mate are massacred by human renegades, Hawk swears vengeance upon the entire human race, vowing to kill every puny human who crosses his path. This rampage brings him into conflict with Captain Buck Rogers of the Earth starship Searcher.

Of course, brave Buck soon won the avian alien's respect and loyalty, and Hawk joined the Searcher crew. Although the addition of Hawk ended up taking too much screen time away from Erin Gray's Wilma Deering (and that's hard to forgive), the talented Christopher imbued his birdman (ludicrous as the concept might have been) with a strong sense of nobility and a bushido-like code of honor that really spoke to the teenaged me. Besides, that feather toupee looked cool.
 

NUMBER ONE: Spock

Star Trek

"Fascinating."

TV's original "token alien," and still the best. Star Trek's Commander Spock, dual Science Officer and First Officer of the Federation starship Enterprise, was a brilliant television creation, a perfect union of character and actor that became - and remains, more than four-and-a-half decades later - a universal pop culture icon. Half-human and half-alien, Leonard Nimoy's Spock was in perpetual internal conflict, a man struggling to reconcile his emotional human half with his Vulcan father's devotion to pure logic. That alone would make the character memorable, but he was also a brilliant scientist, a loyal friend & officer, and a slyly humorous conversationalist with a devastating wit (just ask Dr. McCoy!).

Literally volumes have been written about this character, his role on the show and his impact on society, and I certainly don't have any startlingly new observations to contribute. All I can say is that, well, Spock rules.

As always, these are my favorites. You may disagree with my choices and/or rankings. If so, feel free to share your favorites in the comments.

Captain's bLog: 1023.12

•  Hard to believe I haven't posted one of these "Captain's bLog" entries since August. I know that posting's been a bit light over the last two months, as well. Hopefully, with luck, my productivity will increase a bit in the coming months, and I'll be able to finish up some of the posts I've slowly been working on. I've also somehow neglected to post any new "Space Babes" since August, but I've got a great choice already picked out for November. Stay tuned!

•  Check This Out: The Super Saturday Short-Lived Show Showcase blog (which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like) is currently running episode-by-episode reviews of the Richard Benjamin sci-fi comedy series, Quark. Bloggers Anthony Williams and Noel Thingvall are watching the show for the first time and sharing their opinions of each episode on a weekly basis. It's a cool site, and well worth checking out.

I'm really enjoying their reviews and encourage them to take a whack at a few other short-lived Space: 1970 favorites in the future, like The Fantastic Journey, The Phoenix, and Salvage I. Of course, as none of those shows are commercially available on home video, that might prove a little difficult...

•  New on DVD: The two big 70's genre DVD releases for October are: 1.) the wide release (after a couple months as a Best Buy exclusive) of the second season of The Six Million Dollar Man, which hit shelves a couple weeks ago, and 2.) the complete Filmation live-action Shazam! Saturday morning series, from Warner Archive, which went on sale this week.

I hope to get my hands on the Shazam! discs shortly, and when I do, I'll definitely be reviewing them here at Space: 1970.

As for The Six Million Dollar Man S2 set, I picked it up at Best Buy a month or so ago. If you haven't bought it yet, here's a handy Amazon Link: The Six Million Dollar Man: Season 2
 
•  Blatant Cross-Promotion: And here's my usual shameless plug: anyone who enjoys my writing and reviews on this blog  should check out my DVD Late Show site, where I have been reviewing B-movies, cult films and genre television shows on DVD and Blu-ray disc since 2005. Among the over 700 reviews on the site are plenty of Space: 1970-era favorites, like Battle Beyond The Stars, Damnation Alley, Starcrash, The Starlost, the Space: 1999 Blu-rays, and many more.

QUARK (1976) Pilot Publicity Stills

Here's a selection of press stills for the pilot episode of Buck Henry's sci-fi spoof, Quark, which originally aired on May 7, 1977. The series (all seven episodes of it) followed that fall, with one major cast change: ship's science officer O.B. Mudd, played by Douglas Fowley as an absent-minded, and possibly a little mad, scientist, was replaced by Richard Kelton as Ficus, the logical, unemotional Vegeton.

Interestingly, Cyb and Tricia Barnstable were credited as "Cibbie and Trisha Barnett" in the pilot.

QUARK: "All The Emperor's Quasi-Norms"

I'm still working on my Favorite Episodes post on Space: 1999's "War Games," but as it's taking me a long time, for some reason, I've decided to skip it for now. So, for my second F.E. post, I'm looking instead at Quark's only two-part episode, "All The Emperor's Quasi-Norms." (The title, of course, is a play on All the President's Men, which had been a hit film two years before.) According to the IMDb, these episodes originally aired on March 24th and 31st of 1978.

As usual, the adventure begins with Palindrome getting Quark's hopes up about a new mission, only to once again send the hapless commander and his crew on another garbage run. On their way to rendezvous with - and receive garbage from - a starship, they encounter an unknown vessel. They are captured by the aliens, and it turns out that the ship is a Gorgon battle cruiser under the command of Emperor Vorgon the Malevolent, half-brother to the High Gorgon, himself.

Vorgon is accompanied by his daughter, Princess Libido, who finds herself instantly infatuated with the cold, Vegeton science officer, Ficus. ("Are you saying that Princess Libido is exhibiting that condition which you animals refer to as romantic affection at initial visual perception?") Meanwhile, Vorgon has convinced himself that Quark knows the location of It - a mysterious treasure that he greatly desires, and threatens to kill Quark's crew if he doesn't reveal Its location.

Desperate, Quark punts and tells Vorgon that It is hidden on the asteroid Rhombar. Much to his surprise, it turns out that It really is - and that Quark is apparently destined by prophecy to find and wield It. With the help of a tribe of forest people, led by the Prince Vultan-styled Baron (played by an uncredited actor), he finds It, which turns out to be a gemstone amulet reputed to make Its wearer invincible.

What I like the most about "All The Emperor's Quasi-Norms" is that, while it borrows character iconography from the old Flash Gordon serials (Vorgon the Malevolent - played by the awesome Ross Martin of The Wild Wild West - is clearly inspired by the merciless Ming), the story itself isn't a parody of a particular film or TV show. Most episodes of Quark were clearly based on specific installments of Star Trek or films like Star Wars and 2001, but "Emperor's" is more of a broad spoof of space opera in general.

Writer Jonathan Kaufer delivers probably the best script in the series (even his treatment of Gene/Jean is better than usual), and incorporates lots of classic space opera tropes, from the horny space princess, to the prison cell with crushing walls, to the incredibly specific galactic legend/prophecy that Quark inadvertently fulfills. Experienced TV director Bruce Bilson, a veteran of Get Smart as well as numerous action shows, keeps the pace lively, and exhibits deft comic timing. Not every joke works, but a lot more than usual hit their mark, and this episode does feature the series finest (in my opinion) comic moment:

Princess Libido's (portrayed by a very funny and sexy Joan Van Ark) attempted seduction of Ficus is the comedic high point of Quark's all-too-short run, and both Van Ark and Richard Kelton are brilliant in the scene.

Libido is nonplussed when Ficus fails to react to her passionate kiss, and Ficus must explain the differences between animal and vegetable love: "Libido, this is where we're going to have a problem.You see, where I come from, we don't kiss, we polinate." When asked to demonstrate, Ficus drops to the floor, lies on his back, sticks his arms and legs in the air, and says, "Bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee...."

Libido joins him on the floor and they both chant. After a moment or two, Ficus asks: "Is it good for you?"

"I think so. Is this what you Vegetons find pleasurable?"

"It would appear so."
  
"What do we do next?"

"We wait for the bee."

Damn, I laughed just typing that. Needless to say, they are soon interrupted by her father, who is enraged that his daughter is pollinating with a Vegeton, and orders that Ficus be hauled away by the guards. This gives  Kelton a chance to do his Sean Connery in Goldfinger impression:

Anyway, there are other bits of comic gold in this episode, one of which involves Gene/Jean slamming painfully into a wall. Ross Martin, in particular, has some great bits as Vorgon, and displays good chemistry with Richard Benjamin:

"You know what others say? They say that I dwell too much on torture and murder. They say that I'll kill for the joy of it. They say I wipe out whole civilizations at the touch of a button."

"Are they right?"

"Oh, yes."

This episode even has a couple of alien monsters that aren't too shabby by the (Sid & Marty Krofft) standards of the time, a predatory Lizagoth (great name!):

And a Psycloid (or Cycloid), decked out in 40s wrestler togs and a modified Don Post mask:

Say what you want, but they're better than anything we saw on Buck Rogers! Overall production values are good, too. The sets representing Vorgon's ship are quite decent (again, by 70s TV standards) and the costumes - especially those worn by Van Ark and Martin - are classic space opera. These were clearly the most lavish installments of Quark. Even the forest sets/locations for asteroid Rhombar are cool, with hot springs, orange rocks and multicolored foliage.

The main cast pretty much get good scenes in this episode; Tim Thomerson is given a slightly less degrading subplot of his own, and handles himself well. The Barnstable twins get to indulge in some heavy breathing when they attempt to teach Ficus about mammalian mating rituals, and, obviously, Richard Kelton really gets to shine with his storyline. Hell, even Andy the robot gets a few good lines.

Benjamin is particularly good in this one though, and seems to really be having fun. He clearly enjoys sparring with Ross Martin, gets to demonstrate his skill at physical comedy in several scenes, and gets lots of close-in work with the twins.

Overall, "All The Emperor's Quasi-Norms" is a terrific space opera spoof, and suggests that Quark had a lot of comedic potential. I think that had the show been allowed a full season, it would be better regarded and remembered today. Well, I like it.

Maybe I'll get to "War Games" next time....

The Good, The Bad & The Ficus: QUARK (1977)

Back in May of 1977, I actually recall watching the pilot of Quark, the Buck Henry comedy that attempted to do for (or to) 70s sci-fi what Get Smart! had done for (or to) 60s spy-fi, Of course, I was 15, so I thought it was funny as hell. I was really happy when it was picked up the following year by NBC as a mid-season replacement series. I was less happy, of course, when it was cancelled after just 7 episodes (not counting the pilot). As (obviously) a huge fan of the genre, I embraced the series enthusiastically, and loved it unconditionally.

I hadn't seen an episode since that initial run when I discovered a year or two ago that Columbia/Sony had released the series on DVD. I ordered it, and while I still love the series, and think it's somewhat better than it's reputation, that love is no longer unconditional.

The premise was that Adam Quark, the commander of an interstellar garbage ship, desperately wanted to be a hero. He repeatedly begged his superiors for a "real" mission of importance, but his pleas were generally ignored. Despite this, he and his misfit crew still constantly stumbled into dangerous situations and adventures and triumphed against incredible odds, often saving the galaxy - yet their heroism remained unacknowledged and unrewarded.

The cast was great; Richard Benjamin's idealistic "Adam Quark," a celestial garbageman who dreams of being a galactic hero; Ficus (Richard Kelton), a humanoid plant with a Vulcan-like lack of emotions and devotion to logic, Betty 1 and Betty 2 (Trish and Cyb Barnstable) the beautiful helmswomen, one of whom is clone; Andy the neurotic robot (Bobby Porter); Palindrome (Conrad Janis), the bureaucratic roadblock to Quark's potential heroism; The Head (Alan Caillou), a big, giant - uh - head; and Gene/Jean (Tim Thomerson), a "transmute" who's both male and female... and the one character that I just can't take.

And dammit, I'm a huge Thomerson fan, but the writers used the Gene/Jean character to make such sexist (and homophobic) jokes, that I just want to hunt them down and beat them aside the head with a brick. Neither the character, nor the lame jokes that revolve around him, are funny at all, and it drags down the show.

Aside from that, though... well, I think it's a pretty decent satire, and it got better and funnier as it went along. In fact, I think the last three or four episodes are quite strong, and if the show had been granted a full season, I believe it would be better remembered today. The Barnstable twins were certainly nice to look at, and the show had a solid comedic trio in Benjamin, Janis and Kelton - whose character of "Vegeton" Ficus Pandarota, was a brilliant spoof of Star Trek's beloved Spock.

The special effects were admittedly pretty rudimentary, but were certainly passable for a parody, and I did get a kick out of seeing all those Don Post Studios alien masks from the back of Famous Monsters magazine on the extras that swarmed the Perma One space station set.

If you've never seen it, or remember it only from your childhood, I'd suggest giving the DVD a rental from Netflix. Maybe you have to be a kid - or watch it with a kid's eyes - to appreciate it, but I think it's great fun.

Space Babes: Patricia & Cyb Barnstable

Patricia and Cyb Barnstable as Betty 1 and Betty 2 on Quark. This month's Space Babes are the former Doublemint twins who played the ship's shapely pilot and equally shapely copilot, Betty, on the short-lived but much-loved sci-fi spoof created by Buck Henry in 1977. One Betty was real, the other her clone, but each claimed to be the original, and since they were identical....

The lovely Barnstable twins have very few film or television acting credits outside of commercials, talk shows and such, but these days, the former models are founders of a charity that raises money for diabetes research.

Starting this month, Space Babes will be a monthly feature - at one a week, I was burning through the decade's interstellar sirens far too quickly.